Peace and Blueberry

This week, I’m having a “Stay-cation”. I work in a dental office and we are closed this week. This is the 3rd week that we have been off this year.

The first week was in April, and since I had not seen my Mother in almost a year, I hopped in my car and drove from Georgia to Canada for a visit. I was loath to drive all that way by myself, but I managed to quiet my fears and go anyway. My Mother has been in Canada for about the last 15 years. She re-married a few years after my dad passed away in 2000, and moved North with my new Step-Dad. She was really happy with her new beau, and he seemed to treasure my sweet Mother. I made sure I got plenty of rest the night before. I drove about 8 hours up to Cincinnati, spent the night and drove an additional 8 hours the following day. Mom has changed quite a bit in the last year. She has always been very active and, both, physically and mentally healthy; however, she went in for an elective hip replacement towards the end of 2016, and acquired a MRSA infection. After several surgeries to try and rid her of the infection, removal and replacement with just a spacer, a 6 month long hospital stay, and having a stroke the night before she was to come home, and being 83 years old, my mother is forever changed. She can only walk about 6 steps before having to sit. She cannot climb stairs at all and her mind has been affected a good deal. She is still in great spirits, and she still manages to hold on to the title of Princess, as my Stepdad lovingly addresses her. She does have an underlying condition but they are managing it pretty well. I miss her tremendously, especially given all that has transpired with her. We are so far away, and for the first time, it has made me realize that I am running out of time to enjoy my sweet Mom. My daughter is getting married in September, however, and my Step-Dad has agreed to get her down to Georgia for the wedding. I am so very Thankful. Moving her, and especially traveling long distances with her, is a very difficult, and scary task for them. My Step-Sister (in Canada) and I are doing everything in our power to make this trip as easy and smooth as possible for them. My Step-Dad is very nervous, but I explained to him that this really may be my children and grandchildren’s last chance to spend time with her, hug her, and have picture memories made with her, not to mention my brother, niece and nephews last chance. Unfortunately, it is just really difficult for any of them to travel that far due to expense, work schedules, etc.. My son hasn’t seen his Grandmother in probably 7 years already due to his joining the military, and he is fixing to transfer to Alaska for 5 years. My Mother has never even met his daughter who will be 4 years old soon. So, they are coming while my Mother is still pretty healthy. The closer she gets to 90, it will become virtually impossible. Life is so short.

The second week of Vacation was spent in Seattle, WA. My son, who is stationed there, went through a divorce last July. He didnt want to lose his marriage and didnt want to be separated from his daughter; however, his young wife was hell bent on not being married, not living in a rainy place so far from her family and friends in Tennessee, and she had some other issues that were detrimental and not cohesive to marriage in general, but especially to life on a military post. It was truly best that they parted ways (another story for another day). Anyway, because my son is in the Military, and because there have been deployments and trainings, he has been unable to participate in Birthdays, some holidays, and other special occasions. This week happened to fall on Father’s Day, so I made it a point to get my Grandaughter out to Seattle to be with Daddy! He was uber Thankful, and she was so excited to see him. We spent time visiting, hitting up Chuck-E-Cheese, playing and shopping. It was much needed for both of them.

Ahhh, Love these two! They are my people!

These two weeks were two of the best highlights of a very busy, hectic and stressful period of time from the start of my mothers health scare, in the Fall of 2016 until now. Again..stories for another day. Anyway, I realized here recently just how exhausted this Momma is. I will get up, go and do for any one of my family members in the blink of an eye. That’s what we do! My friends and family members caution me all the time about doing too much, but again, these are my People; however, I likely take the cake as being someone who neglects self. I generally use the phrase “I’ll rest when I’m dead!”

Soooooo, because things got a little overwhelming for me as of late, and because I found myself writing my Doctor to ask her to increase my “Happy Pill” dosage, I decided this Third week of Vacation was gonna be an incognito time of REST, RELAXATION, and plain old “couch potato” REJUVENATION. I didnt even tell anyone I was off work. I told a few patients last week that I was going to pull down my shades, lock the doors and hide. I dont watch TV, so it was very quiet here yesterday. Sooo nice. I am trying to make a habit of writing, even if it’s boring! My plan is to catch up on Rest, get my diet and blood sugar under control, and bring my anxiety to an acceptable level if not eradicate it. (Well anyway) I have pulled out my Fragrant Blueberry Soy Candle that a dear friend had given me. YalL, my house smells like fresh Blueberry muffins on a Sunday Morning or a Warm Blueberry Cobbler. My husband even walked in from work and thought I had made a yummy dessert. Purely delightful!

Today?? My Husbands work truck wouldn’t start. He spent MY entire morning making phone calls to set up towing, securing a rental truck and talking to various employees. He then had an hour or two of watching TV while snacking. I told him he was MESSING UP MY CHI. When he finally left around 2:30 PM, I told him He better give me atleast 5 hours of uninterrupted solitude. Dinner will be ready around 8 PM. BYE.

We’ll see how that goes…PFFFT

Be Well,

Sam

God Knows Who and What We Need

How many of you have ever scrolled through facebook and come across a post, by a good friend, highlighting a very important event in their life? It looks like an exciting time, and there were lots of people gathered to help them celebrate their special occasion, and you get that strange, sad feeling in the pit of your stomach. You wonder “why didnt they invite us?” We love these people, we consider them great friends. We would have loved to show our support and celebrate this occasion with them.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Am I just a weird duck? Am I wrong to feel sad that we were not included? It tends to make me wonder whether our friendships are real. We love them so much, and genuinely care what goes on in their lives. Do they not feel the same about us? When I have momentous occasions or happenings in my life, I want to involve all those who have played a huge part, in my life, to share in the joy. Clearly, others dont think the same way. Is this just a fact of life?

I have a friend, whom I have known since I was about 8 years old. We were inseparable, all throughout our childhood, until we entered high school because of how the school district lines were drawn. We continued our friendship, however, throughout that time and into early adulthood, even though it required more effort since we didnt exactly live in close proximity to one another. As we grew older, the time spent together grew less and less; However, there was always that unspoken rule that we were always “best friends” and we had each others backs. Over time, I began feeling that if I was to talk to her at all, I had to be the one to initiate the contact. It was never her. Eventually, we talked less and less and spent time together less and less.

I remember, in 2000, my father had passed away, and when she learned of his death, she called and came around, in tears, saying how guilty she felt that we had drifted apart and made promises to rectify that. I was happy to hear from my friend, especially during that time, and hopeful that we could get back on the “old track”. The funeral came and went, life goes on, and very soon, we were back to the same thing. Never heard from her unless I initiated the contact.

Fast forward, many years, to the day that I opened Facebook and saw all of the beautiful pictures of her daughters wedding. WHAT?? I was there the day her daughter was born. We had our babies at the same time. I didnt even know she was getting married. I remember sitting around for two days, in shock, feeling hurt and sad, that she, apparently, didnt think enough of me to invite me to come and share in the joy of her daughters big day. Because of the way the previous years had gone, though, I let it go after a couple of days. Again, I guess life goes on.

I have watched this friend, throughout our 30’s and 40’s, as she posts pictures and memories she is making with other friends. I would be lying if I didnt tell you that I, secretly, wished she would call and invite me along sometimes. Who wouldn’t? When I turned 42, I went through a very low point in my life. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The next 6-8 months were quite horrendous. A friend, during that time especially, would have been nice. I probably got a “How are you” text, or two, from her during that whole ordeal. I never had any bitterness or anger during that time, but I will say there was a good bit of sadness and loneliness. I am human. I was coming to the realization that she just doesnt miss our friendship like I do.

Earlier this year, she was turning 50. Her friends and family threw her a surprise party. Her mother and daughter, in planning the event, invited my husband and I. The more the merrier, right? Well, of course, my husband (whom she has known longer than me) and I made plans to attend. I guess there was a little excitement and hope that she would find it as special as I did that we were there for her big day. I was secretly hoping that it would open a door for us to rekindle our friendship. After all, we arent getting any younger.

She gave both of us the obligatory big hugs and told us that she was glad we had come., but over the course of the next hour or so, my husband and I found ourselves standing or sitting to the side talking to each other about how and when to make a graceful exit. One thing that was very obvious and a bit overwhelming for us, was watching the party-goers go through beer after beer after beer. It was like the beer Olympics that night. The partying got louder and louder and the collective dialogue became more difficult to understand. My husband and I can enjoy a social drink with the best of them, but this was a group of 50+ folks carrying on like they were at a friday night high school party. My husband and I rarely indulge in anything stronger than coffee.

Needless to say, we soon became bored and discussed the fact that we really dont fit in with this scene, so we said our goodbyes and made our way to the comfort of our own home. I think I even had a bit of peace, that night, realizing that maybe there was a reason why our friendship has been virtually non-existent all those years, and maybe it was for the best (Took me 42 years to figure that out…42 years). My friend and I, while at her party, did discuss the fact that we should get together more often; however, to this day, 6 months later, (and I did reach out to her a couple months ago) I have not heard from her.

I guess the lesson learned is that God knows what and who we need in life. When He takes something or someone out of your life, it is for good reason. Dont spend 42 years mourning whatever or whoever it was. She and I are the same age, and though we shared a special bond, early in life, our lives took very different paths…..and that is okay!

Be Well,

Sam

Get It Together…

I admitted to my daughter just the other day, that I really wish God, Himself, would come and sit with me, face to face, and explain to me what has been happening in my life. Then, I would love for Him to explain to me what is going to happen during the rest of my life so that I make all the right decisions from this day forward.

I will soon be 50 years old. I am more unsure of myself now than I was, when I knew everything, at 25. I can only assume, at 50, I have lived at least half my life, and I can reflect over the last 25 years and clearly see what has worked, what hasn’t, where I made great choices and where I lost my head, temporarily, and made some pretty rotten ones. We “live and learn” right? Well, maybe not so much, because here I am, today, wondering what is even happening right now?

There have been times in my life when I was in close relationship with God, and there have been many times (I should probably put the word many in all CAPS) in my Christian walk when, I’m pretty sure, God got so far ahead of me that he stopped at the local police department to organize a full on search and rescue. Good news though, they found me. Dont worry, I will likely give you all those sordid details another day. Since then, like a scared child who gets lost in an amusement park because he refuses to hold his parents hand and finally spots them after 10 heart pounding minutes of panic, I am stuck to Him like glue.

So, here I am at the mid-life point, and I have finally realized the importance of daily communication with God. I know He is with me, and I know He is listening. I really feel like He is still waiting for me to “get it together” so to speak. I’m pretty sure he giggles at me from time to time. Probably, He also shakes his head while planting the palm of his hand against His forehead at my many screw-ups, but every now and then, He will throw me a bone when He sees what a hot mess I’ve become. Anyway, He is always right on time. He is good like that, and I am uber Thankful.

So, Here is the deal. I have never had a Blog before now. I’m not, by a long shot, an English Major. I tend to write like I talk. Im a, born and raised, Georgia Peach, so there’s that. (Y’all and Bless your hearts included) You will likely encounter a run-on, just sayin’. A while back, a friend of mine, who was an excellent writer, created the most addicting blog. Her blog posts were hilarious, well written and very captivating. I was envious to say the least. I have always wanted to create content that was equally as fabulous; however, my goal, right this moment is, simply, to create content. This will be an outlet for me. I’m hoping, in writing about the craziness that is my life, that an epiphany will spring forth and slap me in the face. I pray that I will, for once, be able to see the whole forrest and not just the many trees. I’m standing at some crossroads in life and have no clue which path to take. For now, I’m gonna sit down on the nearest stump and wait patiently, in hopes that God decides to throw me another bone. If anyone happens to find my blog, I welcome suggestions, encouragement, wisdom, and friendship.

Be Well,

Sam